Feeling good. All over. Right now.

After my last blog someone posted a video entitled "How to be alone" on my Facebook wall. My first reaction was, "Oh my stars, get this shit off my wall, if people I see I have this on my page... surely this is requesting social execution!" Before I would hastily delete and remove it from my timeline, I had to at least see what it was about. The girl who posted it was such a sweet soul, and hardly the melodramatic, or mawkishly sentimental type. So I watched "How to be alone" by Tanya Davis. Shortly after viewing, I realized I was the exact specimen that the contents of this video were designed to reach. 


It was adorable. You were immediately enamored by the woman who wrote the poem and set it to the most charming strums of the occasional guitar and hmmms of harmonica with just the hint of an accent in her voice. It was whimsical and dreamy. And I loved it. So I kept it up.


I think we are often skeptical of people who are very obviously over zealous in exclaiming how happy they are to be in the place that they are in. Ironically, it tends to occur after a somber life event with clear intentions of portraying the exact opposite of what the person is actually feeling. I think there is nothing wrong with being content and exuding happiness for where you are in life, but I don't see the sincerity when it's posted all over a social network to be eaten up by all of your 600 most intimate friends. If you did actually feel content, wouldn't just knowing it be enough? I feel like I have a million emotions a day. If I were to make note to exclaim and broadcast each one I might ignite rumors and speculation of personality disorder.

I think it's more important to feel than to prove that you felt it. The way in which you glow, taking a message as simple and easy as breathing and allowing it to cast its ripples throughout your soul is enough. The small smile on your face while walking down the street will tell it all.


So keeping the video on my page wasn't a statement or a tactic for highly undesirable attention seeking, (i.e."watch me and my bleeding, drippy, heart rise from the ashes like a phoenix!") I felt like it was support for a really honest message that even I wasn't interested in hearing because of how it might look to identify with what we all are, occasionally at least, lonely.


I have made a habit of collecting endless amounts of lessons these past two months. I have done a lot of things that would have made me really afraid and I've tolerated a lot of things that were particularly painful. I've realized the day, the hour, the second that you tell yourself that you just can't stand it anymore...that will be the day you realize you are close enough to actually being able to. It seems the only way to overcome whatever it is that plagues us is to let it in. Invite the monster out of the closet, tell the creature under your bed to come on out and stay for a while, show the imaginary burglar downstairs where the good jewelry is. Because as soon as you do, you'll realize that they weren't ever really there to begin with.




Thank you, Carly.