I am a gal of familiarity. If it were a drug, I would OD on it. I love knowing what to expect. Unknowns are no good. Obviously this is something that no one could ever avoid entirely. Trying new restaurants, fun. Going to new places, great. Meeting new people...ehhh, it's alright. Picking up and moving to a different state, without a job, an apartment, a sense of regularity, the comfort of ummm... well... anything familiar really, instant nausea followed by panic.
Despite this, I started to realize my "regular" didn't fit anymore. I felt like the winner of The Biggest Loser who was still trying to wear the same, oversized, ill fitting garments. Unlike dramatic weight loss, I was changed on the inside and refusing to change anything on the outside. I started to think about what I could be missing out on. I felt envious of people like my sister who really lived life. Sometimes recklessly, regardless, she was getting everything she wanted out of it and wasn't afraid to push for more or go a different way. She wasn't afraid, period. And here I was spending all of this time being afraid...of being afraid. Afraid of potentially making a choice that would put me in a spot of uncertainty...or realizing that I shouldn't have made it at all...or failing.
It took me long enough, but I decided I had to start living out my facebook statuses and toasts made on New Years and friend's birthdays, "If not now, when?" "Life, as it should be." There had to be more for me and I absolutely could not waste another minute stagnant in "normal." Potential failure didn't stop anyone else, why not me. I'll figure it out, make it work, make it happen. No more "one-size-fits-all life." F you failure. You don't scare me.
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